


Dead and Not So Gone

by SquirrelKiln



Series: Ben 10 Angst, Baby [4]
Category: Ben 10
Genre: Angst, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22957309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquirrelKiln/pseuds/SquirrelKiln
Summary: In which Ben wishes he could use his powers to bring someone back. Just once he wishes he could change the tides.
Relationships: Rook Blonko & Ben Tennyson
Series: Ben 10 Angst, Baby [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649788
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42





	Dead and Not So Gone

With all that went wrong in Ben's life, it was easy to forget the things that  _ didn't _ fail miserably.

The times he saved the Earth (too many to count and probably more than he figured), the universe (oh, boy), and countless lives added up to probably overwhelm the mistakes and failures Ben so painstakingly learned from… Today, however, was not included in his ever-dwindling list of victories. 

He had a semblance of knowledge about one of the companies out on a mission today. Something about a training mission on such a low-priority assignment Ben and Rook would only assist with if they were in the area. But, like always, everyone was hopeful for their return--even the simplest mission could turn south in a heartbeat or less. Anything could happen anywhere, as every Plumber knew too well. The only reason Ben knew of the assignment at all was because he bonded with a few of the cadets leaving on it.

Ben and Rook were on their way back from the cafeteria to give some food for other Plumbers (who were too busy to go down themselves) when the company came back. The desperate running of cadets to get back to their barracks pushed the partners to the side of the hallway to avoid getting trampled. Judging by the looks of fear and tears running down some of their faces, the assignment didn't turn out well. 

"Oh, boy…" Ben watched them pass and stayed pressed to the wall for a bit longer than necessary after the bulk of the stampeed passed.

"It must be terrible to have your first assignment be a failure," Rook sympathized as he began to step back out into the hallway to continue his walking. Ben grabbed his arm and tugged him back to the wall when another group passed. This time, however, it was a much more grave batch. Ben and Rook stood at full attention at the shift in demeanor.

This group consisted of older Plumbers with solemn faces passing with a cart with a writhing cadet on it. The two partners couldn’t get a good look at the person due to the speed of the chaperones guiding the stretcher to the medical bay but they didn’t need much to figure that the injury was something grave.

“What was that?” Ben asked anyway as the two stared down the hallway where the group vanished behind a turn. Rook stood silent for just a second longer than what would normally be appropriate as he took the time to analyze what they just saw.

“It seemed to be the cause of devastation from the earlier group. One of their companions seems to have gotten injured on their mission… It is no wonder they were so distressed. I hope it is not anything fatal,” Rook explained his thoughts in a punctual manner per usual. When he didn’t hear any response from Ben, he turned to check on his partner and confirm he was listening. The distant look on Ben’s face showed he was already in his own head.

“Ben?” Rook prompted.

“Shi'Tra,” Ben said simply. Despite not looking at his partner, he could feel the confusion directed at him. He took another moment to gather his thoughts before continuing to speak. “That’s her name. Shi'Tra. She just got officially enlisted as a Plumber this past month. I was there when she graduated. None of her family could make it to this side of the universe to see her off… You know I always go to the graduations, right? Whenever I can and, y’know, sometimes more than that. She was so happy to be a Plumber. She wanted to work public service, with refugees.” 

Ben’s words flowed freely like they did whenever he couldn’t grasp reality as tightly as he should have. Rook’s expression softened and he put a hand on Ben’s back in an attempt to stabilize him.

“You know that our medical team is especially talented at what they do. Shi'Tra will likely be fine and be back on her feet soon enough. If she passed Plumber training, she must be tough enough to prevail such an injury,” Rook assured patiently. It wasn’t uncommon for Ben to react this way when someone he knew (or more often, someone he didn’t) became gravely injured.

“What if they can’t help this time? There’s always new aliens and new injuries. Remember last month when I got attacked with a new type of venom?” Ben’s distracted demeanor didn’t shift--only the level of panic rising in his throat.

“ _ Ben. _ ” Rook stood in front of his partner to block his view of the hallway, forcing Ben to look up at the Revonnahgander. “While your concern is admirable and generous, there is nothing that we can do to help. Worry is not going to help anyone. We have a task to focus on, remember?”

Ben made himself look at the metal cart with the cafeteria lunches on it. He had almost forgotten about them entirely--that’s a lie, he had forgotten them entirely--and now the idea that a lunch run was his top priority felt almost comical. It wasn’t important enough… But it was something to do with his hands and keep his attention. He couldn’t go back on his word.

“Yeah. Right. They’re probably wondering why we’re taking so long,” Ben formulated slowly enough.

“The lunch lines here are quite long from time to time,” Rook offered the excuse before Ben could have time to consider one himself. Ben felt a smile tugging on his lips despite himself. Good ol’ Rook, always reliable for times like this.

“Rook Blonko, I have not ever considered such a fallacy in my life!” He said with a faux offended tone. He went back to pushing the cart down the hallway with Rook beside him to guide the cart so its one uneven wheel wouldn’t drive it into the wall. The cold metal beneath Ben’s hands was almost too real for the situation but helped with his focus.

Plenty of Plumbers returned with seemingly fatal injuries. Many walked away with their lives intact. Why would Shi'Tra be any different?... Maybe it was the way she looked to him when he remembered her name after only meeting her once before. That look of excitement and almost pride, knowing that  _ someone _ was able to see her accomplishment was practically burned into his mind no matter how hard he tried to focus on anything else. (Not that he’d be the only one in the end. Ben always bought those stupid graduation photos for the cadets that couldn’t have anyone with them and gave it to them to send to their family and whatnot.)

She’d be fine. It was just a simple mission. Just a simple wound.

Ben would be a liar if he said he managed to keep his attention on one thing that day. Even though some part of him wanted to focus on being worried, other priorities took hold. A board meeting about the reconstruction of a certain portion of Undertown. Patrol. Reprimanding petty crimes. So on and so forth. At some point something nagged in the back of his mind to start feeling worried again but he had to ignore it to keep up with his current tasks.

That was until he found out the reason for his newfound worry.

“That can’t be,” fell from his mouth. “She was being taken to the medical bay. She can’t be dead.”

“I am sorry. She passed earlier this afternoon from excessive blunt force trauma to the integral parts of her--” Rook started but didn’t finish. The look on Ben’s face told him there was no need to unless he wanted to cause further harm.

“... The medical team tried their best.” He said finally.

“... She was so young,” Ben muttered, running a hand through his hair. He shifted his jacket once, shifted his shirt twice beneath it. It suddenly felt uncomfortable on his skin. “Was it really that bad? The injuries?” He only got a curt nod of confirmation. Ben took in a deep breath or two in a feeble attempt at relaxing. It was like he couldn’t save anyone lately.

Three cadets, five civilians, one distant cousin something removed, and two friends. Eleven people lost in the span of four days. Ben had to stop himself from wondering who else would be dead before that Sunday.

“... I can’t even say I knew her that well,” Ben admitted. Sure he was at her graduation, he helped her and a few more cadets around Undertown and gave them a custom map that was easier to understand than the ones the Plumbers gave out. He knew her favorite color was beyond his range of sight and remembered how embarrassed she looked when Ben let her know as much. She liked Earth flowers the most of what she had seen so far.

And now she’s  _ dead. _ Dead, dead, dead. She won’t be able to find every weapon stall in Undertown. She won’t be able to watch Earthen birds and understand their colors more than any human ever could. She couldn’t stop and admire the flowers long enough to lose her train of thought.

Dead.

Why did it feel like everyone was dead all of a sudden? Was it a competition now?

“We do not have an assignment today,” Rook let Ben know after leaving him to his silence. With Ben’s brain running as fast it was, he had to look over and stare before it finally registered.

“... No, we can-we can do stuff, it’s just--” Ben took in a heavy breath as he tried to figure out his excuse.

“ _ No, _ we will not do ‘stuff,’” Rook interjected. “We will stay here and let you recover from this. As long as it takes.”

Ben knew he meant well, but at the same time knew that wouldn’t be possible. He never really recovered from losses that seemed to come like a stampede of grief, did he? Rook was right about the break anyway. Any pause in his thoughts could be better than continuing like it never happened.

“Okay. Okay, yeah… Can we… Watch a movie?” Ben looked up at Rook with a quietly hopeful look. Times like this and looks like that forcefully reminded Rook of their real ages. Rook smiled softly.

“As long as you pick which one,” he replied. Ben smiled in return, brightly as he could given his current mood being turbulent as it was, and took Rook’s hand to lead him to the barracks like the other didn’t know the way already.

Still, even as Ben curled into his partner to watch _ Sumo Slammers: Dead Serious, _ he couldn’t relax. Every piece of him was aching to get up and act. Avenge Shi’Tra. Help with funeral preparations or alerting the family. With Rook’s arm wrapped securely around him, he knew there was no way Rook was gonna let Ben get up to do any of that. Or anything that wasn’t sitting here and watching the movie Ben said he was always excited to watch only a couple days prior. Words Rook had said in the past came to mind now; ‘You are recovering whether you like it or not.’

In a way he was thankful to have a thoughtful partner. But he also wished he could lurch up and so something.  _ Anything. _ If he couldn’t help her earlier, maybe he could… He let his own thoughts trail off. Rook was right, nothing good would come of overthinking. There wasn’t anything Ben could do now to change the chain of events that had already occurred. And, whether he liked it or not, he had to understand that. He always had to. Could he even call himself a good hero if he didn’t?

Funeral preparations were made concisely as always. The Plumbers were always quick about this business. Ben had just started to mourn when the funeral date was announced. It felt as if the only time Ben ever dressed up anymore was for funerals.

He made the decision to tell Rook not to attend with him. While Rook only wanted to attend out of respect for a fellow Plumber and to support Ben (moreso the latter, there were too many funerals for him to attend if he went to every one) he still protested the decision.

The silent look Ben gave shut him up immediately. Rook had to wonder why Ben used that look in specific… Then again, those green eyes of his radiated a different feeling every time you looked at them and were just as useful as his watch when he didn’t want to speak.

So there Ben was. At another funeral… Again. It felt like no funeral he went to were alike. Sure some were similar but all aliens had different cultures that required different ceremonies. Shi’Tra’s culture was similar to the ones Ben had been to for humans, but the ‘releasing the ashes into a flowing river’ part was new.

Even now not all of Shi’Tra’s family could come to the ceremony. Ben wished there was an equivalent of buying graduation photos now. Something to comfort the family in regards to their lack of attendance.

He kept his eyes ahead and stayed back within the lines of the decent crowd. The sounds of crying didn’t stop. Deep breaths, clenched fists, and tightly shut eyes were the results of people who didn’t want to release their own signs of grief. Ben almost wanted to shout for everyone to just  _ let it go, we all miss her _ but knew how wildly inappropriate that would be, so he let it go as a passing thought.

The funeral lasted all too long while being curt at the same time. He almost wished it was shorter for his own comfort but craved for it to be longer. Her life was more than a forty-minute speech and the release of remains, wasn’t it? Was it Ben’s place to say it was when he really had no clue?

Nevertheless, he paid his respects like the rest of the people attending. His shoes didn’t handle the wet mud of the riverbed too well but he focused more on getting out of there so he could go home. Or, well, go back to Rook. Before he could make it out someone stopped him.

“Ben Tennyson?” At the voice, Ben stopped. He shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and prepared to tell someone how jacked up it was to ask for an autograph or photo at a funeral. But when he turned to look, he found not an excited fan but a Plumber with a humorless expression. He couldn’t recognize this one past seeing their face before. The Plumber had the markings of a cadet and the face of one, too… Not to mention the (assumedly) human was wearing their uniform instead of a suit, which was a rookie mistake.

“Can I help you?” Ben asked calmly. No need to act rash in a time like this.

“You can bring her back.” The words struck like a blade through Ben’s chest. His lungs seized up and he felt lightheaded.

“What?” He got out finally. He had to stay level headed. Just for a bit longer. This person didn’t read his mind, right? He couldn’t know that Ben wanted to do that the entire time. Those thoughts were too well guarded. Not that mind-reading was rare, but--

“We’ve all read up on you. You have a Celestialsapien form, you have a Chronosapien form, you could bring her back!” The cadet insisted. Ben stared for a little too long as he slowly put two and two together. This person didn’t read his mind--of course he didn’t. He was just some fanboy who thought that the great Ben Tennyson was invincible, omnipotent, and all-powerful.

“... What’s your name?” Ben asked gently.

“That’s not important. You can do it! She deserves it!” Tears started to form in the boy’s eyes as his voice raised in volume. While Ben didn’t outwardly react, others took notice.

“Jason, you can’t just say that!” Another cadet ran over and grabbed ‘Jason’s’ arm. Jason shoved him off immediately and grabbed the collar of Ben’s dress shirt before any other intervention could be made.

“Do it! Do it, you coward!” He cried out. Ben winced as Jason shook him. His collar was buttoned too close to his throat already--Jason’s gloved hands being so close only reminded him how he felt like he was suffocating.

“I-I  _ can’t. _ I can’t do that. I’m sorry,” was all Ben could get out. Jason was openly crying now as multiple people pulled him away from Ben. They never broke eye contact, even as people yelled at Jason for almost hurting Ben and others asked if Ben was alright. It was almost as if Ben lost his hearing in that moment.

All he could focus on was the devastating grief of the Plumber. The boy broke down and fell to his knees sobbing grossly as his friends tried to comfort him in their own misery.

Ben stepped back and away from the scene. He couldn’t take his eyes off Jason. His feet hit the pavement of the local road and he could vaguely hear Rook asking if he was okay. He was pressed against the Truk, but Rook still sounded so far away.

_ You could bring her back. _

_ You’ve done it before. A universe of people, screaming in agony and begging for it to stop. _

_ What different is one life? One girl craving to take on the worlds around her? _

_ What else is stopping you but your cowardice? _

“I can’t,” Ben whispered, so quietly it seemed the only person he was trying to assure was himself. “I  _ can’t _ .”

He hadn’t realized tears welled in his own eyes until Rook was wrapping his arms around him. Ben couldn’t find it in himself to be mad that Rook went anyway. All he could do was clutch his partner and sob over the fact that he couldn’t help everyone.


End file.
